Drag Race Episode 6
Part 1 Ruba walks up to the screen, red lipstick on, wearing fishnet stockings and lingerie and smoking a cigar. She stubs the cigar on the screen, kissing the ashy stub as she whispers "Welcome to Drag Race. The Winner will recieve a headline spot on the Glee Wiki® Pride Tour, a sickening supply of makeup from the Ana Mijatovic collection, and 100,000 puffle points‏. Gentlemen, Start you engines, and may the best woman, WIN!" The episode starts as the queens enter the workroom as usual, Kitty Titz is crying over the lost of dear faghag, Lily Summers. Kitty begins to scream "ALISA WILL BE SO DISSAPOINTED IN YOU, HER DRAG DAUGHTER. YOU DUMB WHORE BURN IN HELL." She pulls a ciggy out her vag and blazes it, filling the room with smoke as Bayonse wipes the lipstick off the mirror. --Confession-- Bayonse: These dumb sluts think that just because I'm black I should do all the work around here?!?!? NOT ANYMORE, BITCHES. I'M LARGE AND IN CHARGE. --workroom-- Clara, Lady and Barbie all bond even closer, basically becoming the new rolaskatox, The hottest bitches in the competition. Lady Ratchet purses her lips "So goirls, if today was Snatch Game, who would you be?" Barbie and Clara sit in silence as Barbie's opens her huge mouth "ummm maybe Zayn Malik????" Clara and Lady stare back in shock. "Oh girl no..." Clara shakes her head in dissapointment just as a noise blares through the workroom "SHEMAIL FAGGOTS" and they scamper towards the screen. They stare in anticipation as Ruba's face appears on the screen. "hrey it's me nekci" she says before the screen fades to blank and Ruba's does acrobatics into the room. Everyone cries and breaks down as Ruba stands and bows. "OKAY EVERYONE STFU GUESS WHAT DOLLS." They all look back in fear. "You all get to submit your entries to the upcoming 'AMERICA'S JUNIOR DRAG STAR' COMPETITION!!!" The queens begin to wild as a foggy mist floats over the room, the doors open and then enters the grand high bitch herself - Lil' Poundcake. The queens fingerthemselves as Poundcake flips them off and retreats back behind the doors. The queens grab a mannequin and fabrics and give it a makeover, In teams of two chosen by themselves. Team 1: Barbie and Cleopatra Team 2: Lady Ratchet and Clara Redwing Team 3: Kitty Titz and Bayonse Team 4: Kalison Kimanda and Cher Noble Team 5: Barbara Bobpin and Carrie Magee Team 1, Barbie and Cleopatra appear, their mannequin dolled up all cute and flaunting every inch of sexiness she got. Cleopatra clears her throat; "This is Contestant number 1, Barbie De Boer, Our drag daughter. She loves to sip on a little bit of wine under the shade of her haters. She don't enjoy ugly people's presence and would rather you didn't look at her with your ugly, ugly eyes. Team 2, Lady Ratchet and Clara bring out their drag daughter. Clara begins to speak; "This is our drag daughter, Linday Lohan." -screen pans over to a manequin with a melted face and two pieces of ginger hair stuck on it, holding a cigarette and a tesco plastic bag full of cocaine. "She was once a lonely star who made it into the big time. Then she done fucked up." The other teams were too irrelevent, but Kalison and Cher basically flopped. The winnder this week is... KITTY AND BAYONSE. Everyone pulls their wigs and is about to murder ruba because she is horrible. "OKAY TIME FOR SNATCH GAME" She screams as everyone flips their shit, wigs fly round the workoom as a random strawberry daiquiri is thrown. Rubaul goes around the room seeing what the ladies have planned. "Claaaaaaaaaaaaaara redwing. What do you have planned for us?" Clara checks her teeth "I'm gonna be the elusive chanteuse." "oh-oh-OH Mariah!" "Sharon osbourne." Cricket effect noises begin playing in the background as bitches clock Clara for her tired-ass impersonation. "How are you gonna make her funny?" Clara Redwing snaps back at Rubaul in an English accent. "Fucking test me like that again and I'll get Ozzy on your ass!" The room drops dead silent, not a single laugh or clap to be heard as Clara cackles profusley. --Confession-- Lady Ratchet: "I love the bitch but, I cane see a bottom two in her future smh xxx ):" Rubaul basically goes round all of them but i got lazy and I just wanted to write the actual Snatch Game already LETS GO!!. Lady Miley Cyrus 1.png|Lady Ratchet as Miley Cyrus Perrie Barbie Buckfast 1.png|Barbie Buckfast as Perrie Edwards Kalison Hannah Montana 1.png|Kalison Kimanda as Hannah Montana Cher Taylor Swift 1.png|Cher Noble as Taylor Swift Cleo Audrey Hepburn 1.png|Cleopatra De Boer as Audrey Hepburn Clara Sharon Osbourne 1.png|Clara Redwing as Sharon Osbourne Barbara Michelle Obama 1.png|Barbara Bobpin as Michelle Obama Bayonse Beyonce 1.png|Bayonse as Beyonce Kitty Alaska 1.png|Kitty Titz as Alaska Thunderfuck Carrie Abby Lee Miller 1.png|Carrie Magee as Abby Lee Miller Lady Miley Cyrus 2.png|Lady Ratchet as Miley Cyrus Perrie Barbie Buckfast 2.png|Barbie Buckfast as Perrie Edwards Kalison Hannah Montana 2.png|Kalison Kimanda as Hannah Montana Cher Taylor Swift 2.png|Cher Noble as Taylor Swift Cleo Audrey Hepburn 2.png|Cleopatra De Boer as Audrey Hepburn Clara Sharon Osbourne 2.png|Clara Redwing as Sharon Osbourne Barbara Michelle Obama 2.png|Barbara Bobpin as Michelle Obama Bayonse Beyonce 2.png|Bayonse as Beyonce Kitty Alaska 2.png|Kitty Titz as Alaska Thunderfuck Carrie Abby Lee Miller 2.png|Carrie Magee as Abby Lee Miller Rubaul appears out of drag as the host. "WELCOME TO RUBAUL'S SNATCH GAME!! Today we have our guests, DocMD, Glee wiki ex-pat, mother of 6, part-time DJ and full-time Surgeon‏ and Fundog2, Guinness World Record holder for the most basic bitch on earth‏! Lets get started!" "Here is out first contestant, Actress and Humanitarian - AUDREY HEPBURN!!! Hey Audrey." Audrey look soultry towards Ru "Hello there Ru" she says in an english accent. "Any upcoming movies?" Audrey raises an eyebrow. "I'm dead." no one laughs as there was no joke made. The end. "Next we have our very own Drag race contestant - ALASKA!" "HIIIEEEEEE" "So, Alaska, What were the last word you said to your ex-squirrel friend, Sharon Needles?" "Well, Rubaul, I just said Anus." "HELLOOOO SHARON OSBOURNE" "Oh hello dear, have you seen my son? Purple hair - wears a lot of lipstick?" Rubaul cackles "Do you mean Kelly?" "Who? A yes, Billy! That's the one!" "Oh okay Sharon, stick in there old gal." "Omg, It's Taylor Swift! Hey Taylor" "Hi there Rubaul, buy Blank Space on iTunes!" "I will, Taylor - So do you have any crazy fan stories?" "Well this one time this girl came up to me - couldn't have been older than 10 and she..." Taylor pauses as everyone waits in anticipation. "GAVE ME A HANDSHAKE! OH I NEVER FELT MORE REBELLIOUS IN MY LIFE!" "Hey there Miley!" "Hey Ru!" "Miley, When did you get here?!" "Do you not see the mess outside?!?! I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BALL!" "Okay Miley, cant wait for you next single!" Miley looks in fear at the camera. "HEY ABBY LEE!" "Mhm." "You know Dance Moms is one of my FAVOURITE shows!" "Obviously you love it, Maddie is a star!" "What about the other girls?" "There's other ones?" "Ahah ok abby, stay with it." "Perrie Edwaaaaards hey girl!" "Hey Rupaul." "So, Perrie - I heard your boyfriend Zayn just left One Direction, How are YOU taking the news." "Oh well, You know, It's um, Well it's a very hard time for him. We're doing good though." "uhuh..." --confession booth-- *Lady Ratchet shakes head in dissaproval* --Snatch Game "Look It's Hannah Montana!" "HEY THERE RUPAUL AYEEEEAAAAAHEAAHEAHEHEHHAHEHAAAAAH" "We've had Miley AND Hannah?" "You're getting the best of both worlds!" "I really am, So Hannah, Why did the world think you weren't real - IF YOU ACTUALLY ARE?!?!" "You're all dumb fucks." "Hey Sasha Fierce" "Hey Rupaul, It's so great seeing y'all out here tonight, You're a great crowd." "So, Mrs. Fierce - How is Blue Ivy?" "Who" "Your baby?" "Oh I just had her for relevance she's gone now lmao" "Last, but most certainly not least - First, actually. It's the first lady herself - MICHELLE OBAMA!" *Michelle gets up and dances for her Oprah dollars* "So, Michelle, Will you run for president?" "I prefer being on top of the president - not on top of the country." Part 2 "Okay so, This one is for DocMD, Fatty Patty is so fat, When she gets on the scales, It says ____." DocMD looks at her doctorate degree. "My phone number." *crickets chirping* "SOMEONE LAUGH I WAS IN THREE CAR CRASHES, MY WHOLE FAMILY HAD CANCER, I HAD 7 BABIES IN ONE YEAR AND I HAVE SCOLIOSIS." "ok sit yo ass down, doc." Rubaul: "Let's go to ur first celebrity, Miley Cyrus, What d'you think Miley? Fatt Patty is so fat, When she gets on the scales, It says... ?" Miley: "Hello Emily Osment!" Rubaul: "HAH!" Miley: "You know that fat bitch always tried to copy my career! Look where the f*ck she is now." Rubaul: "Well, That's very true." Miley: "She's living with her parents in downtown Oklahoma and I'm rubbing vag with Robin Thicke at the VMA's, Who's laughing now?" Sharon looks at Miley with confusion. As she coughs. Sharon: "Who invited Albino Mickey mouse?" Rubaul: "Let's go to our next star, Michelle Obama, What did the scales say Michelle?" Michelle: "They said; Obesity is a huge problem in America and I, as an activist in the womens rights campaign and an equalist for all, would like to say that..." *there is a small pause* Michelle: "Get off your ass, You fat bitch." Rubaul: "Let's move on to... Perrie Edwards, Hey Perrie!" Perrie: "Hey Ru." Rubaul: "So, Fatty Patty is so fat, When she steps on the scales, they say...?" Perrie: "I bet you're a member of Fifth Harmony." Rubaul shits herself with laughter. Rubaul: "Ok Ok Ok, This next question is for Fundog2, Lady Gaga has finally gone too far, She wore a dress made of ____." Fundog farts. Fundog2: "Oops, I mean uhh... Cornflakes?" Rubaul: "Cornflakes....uhuh anyway, Lets go to Abby Lee Miller; Lady Gaga has gone too far, She made a dress out of what?" Abby Lee raises an eyebrow. Abby Lee: "Who gives a flying f*ck, You wouldn't hire Maddie as a dancer. I HATE YOU." Rubaul: "Woah you must HATE Gaga." Abby Lee: "Fuck that bitch." Rubaul: "..." --Confession-- Clara: "What the f**k" --Snatch Game-- Rubaul: "Hey there Sharoooon." Sharon: "Oh Hello Terry Crews!" Rubaul: "So, Sharon, What DID Gaga make her dress out of?" Sharon: "Well, Ru, I got a secret to tell you." Rubaul: "What is it Sharon?" Sharon: "I'm embarassed, really." Rubaul: "Are you embarassed?" Sharon: "Yes because all I wrote was f*ck Justin Bieber." Rubaul: "OMG" Sharon: "He thinks he's a rebel for pissing in a fucking bucket?!?! I pissed on Ozzy once during sex, That doesn't make me a fucking rebel." Rubaul: "Ok, So Audrey, You're a fashion ICON, You must know something about this." Audrey: "I don't even know what the hell a Lady Gaga is." Rubaul: "But what was her dress made out of?" Audrey: "Fabric?" Rubaul: "HEY HANNAH." Hannah: "LETS MOVE THIS ALONG RUPAUL I GOT MY LIMO OUT FRONT (OOH WAA OOH)" Rubaul: "Okay, so what did Gaga make her dress out of?" Hannah: "CD Copies of Rebel Heart." Rubaul: "This one is for DocMD, Dumb Deedee is so dumb, Last night she got arrested for driving without _____." DocMD: "OMG YOU CANT ASK ME THIS I WAS IN A CAR CRASH YOU INSENSITIVE BITCH?!" Rubaul: "just fucking answer." DocMD: "A license?" Rubaul: "Lets go to Taylor Swift. Taylor, Dumb Deedee is so dumb, Last Night she got arrested for driving without a...?" Taylor: "A copy of Blank Space playing in the background!" Rubaul: "Because It'd be stupid not to buy it!" Taylor: "Right! I don't have enough money!" Rubaul: "Ok so, Queen B, Dumb Deedee is so dumb, She got arrested for driving without a...?" Beyonce: "She got arrested for driving with a... Single Lady!" Rubaul: "Like Michelle Williams?" Beyonce: "Who the fuck?" Rubaul: "Hey there Alaska!" Alaska: "HIIIEEEEEEEEEEE" Rupaul: "Alaska, What was she arrested for driving without?" Alaska: "Sharon Needles dead, rotting career." Rubaul: "No T No Shade though?" Alaska: "Sure." Rubaul: "Let's go to Michelle, Michelle was she arrested for driving without?" Michelle: "Having voted for Obama for president." Rubaul: "You can get arrested for that?" Michelle: "Don't tell the Supreme Court." Rubaul: "Ok, Second to last question, This one is for Fundog2. Cher is completely addicted to social media, Even her ____ has a twitter account." Fundog2: "Mom?" Rubaul: "... yeah ok so Lets go to Sharon Osbourne. Cher is completely addicted to social media, Even her ___ has a twitter account." Sharon: "Even her... WHO GIVES A F*CK?" Just as Sharon starts to shout, A white thing falls from her mouth. Sharon: "OMG MY TOOTH!" Rubaul: "Your tooth?" Sharon: "MY TOOTH JUST FELL OUT OMG DOES ANYONE HAVE GLUE?" Rubaul: "Are you going to be okay?" Sharon: "No! I payed a shit-ton for my teeth!" Rubaul: "Ok, I'll leave you to find your tooth." Sharon: "OZZY GET IN HERE" Rubaul: "So, Miley... Cher - Completely addicted to social Media, even her ___ has a twitter account." Miley: "Even her Shoulder pads have a twitter account." Rubaul: "Oh, her shoulder pads!" Miley: "Those ugly things - as if she couldn't look more like a big fucking man." Miley begins to flick her tongue about and begins to twerk. Miley: "Now THAT is femininity. She could learn a thing or two from me." Rubaul: "Ok so, Abby Lee. Cher is so addicted to social media that even her ____ has a twitter account." Abby Lee: "Her dead hudband." Rubaul: "..." --Confession booth-- Barbie Buckfast: "...just no." --Snatch Game-- Rubaul: "Ok, This last question is for DocMD AND Fundog2, Fat Fanny is so fat, Instead of dollars, She prefers to be tipped with ____?" DocMD: "Glee Wikian corpses." Fundog2: "Puffle Points." Rubaul: "Interesting answers. Okay so, Taylor Swift! What does she prefer to be tipped with?" Taylor: "Just like, She loves to be tipped by her many many boyfriends." Rubaul: "BY her boyfriends?!" Taylor: "I've said too much..." Rubaul: "Hm xo Okay, So PERRIE EDWARDS. What does she prefer to be tipped with?" Perrie: "She likes to be tipped with the crispy, burnt corpses of the Harmonizers." Rubaul: "Oh so that's what she's tipped with?" Perrie: "Indeed, and I wanna give Fifth Harmony a tip too." *pause* Perrie: "Stop, Immediately ." Rubaul: "Hey Audrey." Audrey: "Oh Hello again Rupaul." Rubaul: "So what DOES she like to be tipped with?" Audrey: "Gummy bears? I don't know to be honest... I've been dead a while." Rubaul: "Hey there Hannah, What does the Fat bitch like to be tipped with?" Hannah: "Well, She likes to be tipped with EVERY SHOE EVERY COLOUUUR." Rubaul: "Oh really?" Hannah: "Yeah, You get that kinda stuff when you're famous. I mean, When You're famous it can be kinda fun." Rubaul: "Lastly, Alaska. What DOES she like to be tipped with?" Alaska: "Well, I know for a fact that she loves to be tipped with an iceberg, because that bitches career is going down like the titanic." Rubaul: "Like the titanic?" Alaska: "I'm surprised her weight hasn't already pulled her career off of that stripper pole. I'm sure gravity will do that job for us, though." Rubaul: "Oh, it looks like we're out of the time... and the winner is... WHO CARES!" Rubaul: "I'm Rubaul Edwards and this.... Is Snatch Game." --RUNWAY-- The queens walk down in their snatch game looks as they line up in front of the judges. Rubaul clears her throat. "We've already judges your looks and your impersonation, so let's get to it... Bayonse, Kitty, Cher and Lady Ratchet. You're safe. The queens we have left, You are the best and worst of the week. Lets start with the top three - Clara, Barbie and Barbara. You three served some severe charisma, uniqueness, nerve and talent. but one queen beat you out. Clara Redwing condragulations you are the winner of this week's challenge. Now the three of you fuck off to the back of the stage with the safe whores." "Okay so, Cleopatra, Carrie and Kalison. You are the bottom three of this week. Kalison, I'm sorry my dear but you will have to lip sync for your life. You too, southern hick." Cleo is safe and Kalison and Carrie werk it out to the song "best of both worlds" by hannah montana, Making it a hard judgement. "WOW you bitches were fierce. I've made my decision. Cher, can you come forward?" everyone looks in shock. --confession-- Carrie Magee: "whut thuh fuhck?" --Runway-- "Cher, I have been notified that you were CHEATING and breaking the rules, I'm afraid you leave me not choice... sashay...away..." Cher sashays away and the queens are confused as fuck. The end. Category:Drag Race